Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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