he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
