that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
His nipple licking is glorious
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
