we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
