In the future we'll all be gay
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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