just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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