mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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