I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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