Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
