just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
