Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
