A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
