I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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