walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The best revenge is premature balding
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
