margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
