happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
