There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
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