If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
