I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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