Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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