I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
