none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
