what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
