I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He passed out mid-signature
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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