I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Two words: blizzard sex
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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