I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
