I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
