that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
