I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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