i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
