Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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