so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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