Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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