Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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