it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
