I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
