So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
