I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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