he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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