guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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