found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
