Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
