I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
