was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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