ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
