Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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