I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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