We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
