im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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