Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
