You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
