Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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