Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
