You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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