I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
