So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
